i am broken. i am redeemed.

I’ve really been wrestling with the mind of the Lord the last two weeks. I’m freaking worn out. Walking away with a limp? Check.

See… I’m in love with a boy. His name is Luke Cory Jones. This boy Luke is in love with the God of the Universe. Check. He’s also in love with me. Check.

God is doing AMAZING things through us. Truly beautiful things that I rarely see in the lives of others. Proof that it’s all Him and not us at all.

After nine/ten months of Luke’s prayers and about five months of my own prayers… we’ve both been begging God to show us His plan for us individually and collectively. God is being a quiet One. Which freaking KILLS me because in my mind… I gotta know now! You know? I mean, don’t get me wrong. He’s providing peace. Not so much clarity. He is Alive and Working and His Hand is evident but it’s where it’s leading that is still not clear.

Patience, Kelly. Be still, my child. That’s ALL I’ve been hearing and I can’t quite say I’ve checked those off my list just yet. Oh, that and “Fear of the Lord leads to wisdom.” Okaaaayyy… well just what is this wisdom then!?! At least it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this struggle. I’ve got my dear sweet best friend Jessica-Lauren walking with me hand in hand. Oh, God.

So, as my heart searches out the Lord’s plans for me and the Lord’s plans for Luke… I’ve had this poem in the back of my mind. It’s called “Ants in the Sugar Bowl” [author unknown]

Just lovely.

I dream of Africa. Check.

So I send you to ants in the sugar bowl.
To things that fly, creep and crawl into the house.
So I send you to uncertain water and sporadic electricity.
To long hours, sweltering heat, exhausting days.
So I send you to uncomfortable vehicles, crowded jeeps, smelly buses.
To noisy early, EARLY mornings.
So I send you to rice, rice and more rice.
To poverty you didnt believe existed.
So I send you to masses of people like you have never seen.
To know and work with people who have never even known any kind of comfort.
So I send you and I expect you to adjust.

So I send you to people who will give to you in the middle of poverty.
To friends that will embarress you with their generosity.
So I send you to pastors that will entertain you from their lack, with bounty.
To hungry, receptive, questioning people who want to know God.
So I send you to study, to teach, and to learn.
To probe your very own motives, values and beliefs.
So I send you to learn about yourself and the culture that has reared you.
To know God and to understand more deeply… dependence on Him.

So I send you.
Are you going? Because I will go with you all the way.

Trying to enjoy the bumps along this journey toward Him? Check.