i am broken. i am redeemed.

<br>

<br>

This past month has been quite…. oscillatory…??? I have failed to keep committments that I swore to keep. But what’s most interesting to me isn’t that I fell but that Satan has no room in my life anymore.

I’ve learned that purity and this growth that I desire is not an event [Shane Claiborne] but it’s a process. A very long, hard, painful process. I have to try and keep trying and try some more — all the while remembering that when Christ died on the cross He rescued me from guilt and shame and defeat. They were all nailed there right next to my iniquities.

I’ve learned [re-learned, rather] that I have to pick up my Sword on a daily basis in order to gain the self-control that I so desperately long for. I have to be in prayer CONSTANTLY. The Word says we must submit to the Lord then to resist the devil and he will flee. But first — we submit.

I’ve truly come to understand that the joy of running from sin is SO much more beautiful and filling than in for a moment and therefore taking thirty steps in the wrong direction.

I’ve learned that I want to be surrounded by true Jesus-lovers. Lord, I’m BEGGING that my relationships with the TRUE Christ-followers in my life will escalate intensely.

Lord, I am all yours.

The past week has been accompanied by this song in the video. His name is John Mark McMillan. This song is pure beauty. And if you listen to what he says, it was written out of the depths of despair after he lost his best friend in a tragic accident.

The story of my life is wrestling with believing that You, O God, care and that You’re really active. I would give anything to see your Face. I’ll keep fighting, Lord, and I know that this is a risky statement to make. Because I’ve seen in my life countless times and I’ve seen in others lives countless times and I’m seeing in Jessica-Lauren’s life right this moment that when a claim like this is made in the heart of a child of God — many times you don’t hesitate to snatch the rug out from underneath in the process to draw us closer to You.

I see that in this song.

But I’m ready. Because I have been there. Right there. Claiming that I’m ready for God to move. He’s done it plenty of times. And the last time it happened, I threw in the towel because it was just too hard. But I’ve been there and I realize it’s not worth it to walk away. It is SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL to stay in Him.

“People, they try to tell me You’re cruel but if Stephen could sing he’d say it’s not true, ’cause God You’re good.”

Nahum 1:7 “The Lord is good. When trouble comes, he is a strong regude. And He knows everyone who trusts Him.”