i am broken. i am redeemed.

My life just gets better as the days go by. And I know it won’t always be this way. And I don’t have to choose joy, but I do. Like right now I could very well have a blood infection, but I’m hoping I don’t. I miss my boyfriend but I’ll see him soon. I really want a cigarette but God is delivering me. And again, I know this could be a hell of a lot worse. I’m content where I am.

I can’t even begin to explain how much the Lord has done in my life the past two weeks. It’s unbelievable!!! I was just sitting in my room a last Sunday, the 20th, and starting realzing how ugly of a a person I’ve become. I also started thinking about how much I’ve complained and cried out the past four or five months because God hasn’t been “speaking to me” or what not.

Then I started thinking about all the idols in my life. Cigarettes. I am so addicted it’s not even funny. Almost a pack a day. That’s awful! Which, aside from the health factor, I don’t like being addicted to something period!

Alcohol. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with alcohol but I do think there’s something wrong with being on the verge of being an alcoholic [which runs in my family]. I also think there’s something wrong with the fact that if I’m having a bad day I always say to myself, “Man, I can’t wait to have a drink” instead of “Oh, I can’t wait to get home and see what God has to offer me.” PLUS, I can count 6 or 7 times that I’ve drank in the past year alone and NOT gotten drunk. I have no self control. This is an idol in my life.

I’m not going to go into the details of everything because I’ll just ramble on. But there are so many things seperating me from God. So between Him, Luke and about 8 of the godliest women I know… God started a Revolution in my heart.

Within two hours of me being on the verge of just letting go and walking away again. Walking away from home. From Luke. From God. Within two hours of this, God showed me COUNTLESS Scriptures like this,

22 ”Therefore, give the people of Israel this message from the Sovereign LORD: I am bringing you back, but not because you deserve it. I am doing it to protect my holy name, on which you brought shame while you were scattered among the nations.23 I will show how holy my great name is—the name on which you brought shame among the nations. And when I reveal my holiness through you before their very eyes, says the Sovereign LORD, then the nations will know that I am the LORD.24 For I will gather you up from all the nations and bring you home again to your land.
  25 ”Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols.26 And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will obey my laws and do whatever I command.” —Ezekiel 36:22-27

Verse after verse after verse after verse of God promising me that he’ll deliver me and restore me and uplift me and rebuild me.

Praise the Lord for what’s going on around here. I haven’t felt this way or see God’s hand so clearly in about a year and a half. And I have NEVER been more aware of the prayers of the Saints as I have these past two weeks.

It also stands to amaze me what the Lord will do THROUGH me when I am kneeling before Him. Because not two days after this happened, a sweet sweet sister of mine watched all of her walls fall down and she reached out for me. Only God knows why. But He has used me to speak truth into her life and I pray it doesn’t stop. Because it isn’t me. Seriously, there’s a revolution going on. I can’t miss out on it.